So, I’ve been slowly working myself out of a funk. The boys and I have been sick off and on for 6 weeks, and it has just been a little crazy at my house. We had the car crisis, then the kitchen crisis. There has been little time or desire for me to do much of anything.

I hate being in a funk. All I want to do is stay home and not talk to anybody. I just sit on my couch with my legs stretched out on my ottoman with hot tea and a book. Granted, I love to read, and this has been a good time for me to catch up on my reading. However, I start going days with no desire to leave the house, then I know it isn’t good for me.

Could it be spring fever? Perhaps just plain ole burnout? I’m not sure.

I was feeling more myself tonight at church than what I have in a long time. It was really nice just laughing with friends and talking about random stuff…like “The Bachelor” big twist last night. Just for the record, I didn’t watch it nor have I ever watched any episode of that show. I listened to the conversation and laughed at the jokes. I do watch reality tv (note: a lot), but I’ve never gotten into that show for some reason.

Anywho, it was nice to get in the routine even though I quietly rebel against it throughout the day. Sometimes, I think I don’t want to leave because of how difficult it is with leaving Luke at places. I remember when Jack went through this separation anxiety at this age, and it was no fun. It seems like everywhere I drop Luke off I’m just down the hall and can hear him cry for me the entire time. Talk about feeling like a lousy mom.

I start worrying about not spending enough time with him and whether he is driving everyone bonkers (hehe) with his crying. It really does come down to me feeling like a bad mom. All he wants is me, and I leave him with other people. Not all the time, but I have obligations that I have to do, and I feel this constant pull between my obligations and Luke.

It is getting to the point that nothing is enjoyable when I have to leave him somewhere. I wonder if it is worth having him get so upset. I know some will say he is testing me or pushing limits. Others will say that I should be a “true” stay-at-home mom and just stay home with him. Although, it doesn’t matter what anyone says since I’m punishing myself worst than what anyone else can do.

There is something therapeutic about typing a blog about being in a funk and possibly getting down to the actually reason why I’m in that funk. I’m just in need of some prayers. Mainly that Luke will be excited and happy when he goes to preschool, CBS, Sunday School and Cubbies. No more tears at drop-off. I feel like at this moment life would go so much smoother if both my boys loved going places, playing with friends and learning new things.